Thursday, January 28, 2010

Integrity issues

Refuse to take the first, or second, or any "semi-compatible partner" because you just KNOW that the "one" who will absolutely knock your socks off is out there and LOOKING for you as well?

Yeah, that's just where I'm at right now.

You too?

So there I was two weeks ago with an adorable blond snuggled up in my lap in the front seat of my car (Dude! At your age?) kissing me in just the right way to elicit a positive response from us both. She fit, I mean she REALLY fit just perfectly in my hungry lap. And the manner in which we were kissing, tasting, caressing, man it was like our mouths were just meant to be together, like they had been doing this for as lifetime....

...sheer bliss...

And then "the look."
You know, the LOOK?
The one that says "if we don't stop RIGHT NOW we'll be upstairs and I'm a professional and my doorman would tell everyone!"

And that was the first date. The second date got closer.
But there were flags, y'know, of the "red variety?" The ones that say to you "not the one for me."
Yes she elicited a passionate response but I'm at the point in my life where I need more, and I just didn't feel "more."

So here's the integrity issue part.

It was clear from her words and ESPECIALLY her actions that the third date would be, well, horizontal. And as much as that drew me in, it also got me to thinking "dude, if you had integrity and REALLY meant what you said then you wouldn't go there with this woman."
And we had a 3rd date tentative for last Saturday.
And 2 nights before she called to say that she was chickening out, that she wasn't ready for "a sleepover."
And I was relieved.
And I was shocked that I was relieved.
And that is SO not who I used to be.
And I told her that I was in no rush and she said "I so knew that you'd understand."

So she stole the decision right out from under me, but I hadn't called her to lock it in and if I did it would have been "sex versus integrity."

And quite frankly, if this cutiepie had pressed the issue, I have a feeling that integrity may just have taken a back seat to all night sex.

And that is soooo not who I want to be.