Thursday, July 23, 2009
...is not the sex anytime and anywhere,
is not the sweet aroma of her hair,
is not the feel of her mouth down below,
or the way she'd look when the lights were low.
Is not her shape,
is not my mouth below her waste,
what I miss the most,
what had me totally endeared,
were her soft arms around me
when the world just dissappeared.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
They warned me about this! So there are a zillion places to go for content when a blogger/writer just does not have content for his blog, but with 5 websites to my name, and nearly all of them with past blogs, I really don't need to look far!
So I started to read some of the massive amount of blogs on my InterKnot website (www.interknot.us) and found an interesting little "seduction style quiz" that you might be interested in taking yourself!
Below are my results and a link to the site. It's fun!
Your Seduction Style: Au Natural
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.
Here's the quiz if you wanna take it.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
So as I began to write the content you will see below, some woman from Florida decides to I.M. me on MySpace. I didn't even know I was logged on as I rarely go to that old profile. I did not remember her but it's always nice to be polite, even at 1:30 in the morning!
I will cut and paste our very short exchange for you to see and then write my comments.
her: thank you so much for the kind words so many days ago. They have always stayed with me, and made me realize that what I said is sometimes, understood.
me: Kind? Meeeee???? Awwwww, really?
her: do you remember the nice comment?
me: I am in the middle of blogging right now for my business, so please dear, refresh my memory!
her: sorry, i will let you go...
me: I was not trying to go, I was simply asking for you to refresh my memory...
And then she just logged off!!!!
Now, in retrospect, could my "business blogging" comment have been perceived as a brushoff?
I mean after all, I DID ask her to refresh my memory?
Perhaps if I had just said "thank you" it may have sufficed?
Or, was this woman just setting herself up for failure, assuming for no good reason that I was, indeed "brushing her off?"
Maybe she's just a lonely woman, and perhaps dating and men are a "mystery" to her?
Seems to be a lot of that going around! And that's why Tony and I have created "Dating DeMistyfied." The "flyer" below was created by us today with the help of a brilliant, young marketing guy.
Please read it and post your comments as we'd really love to hear your opinions (despite the fact that, at this hour my eyeballs are nearly falling out!).
Women, do you know what motivates men to wanna talk to you?
Men, do you?
It may NOT be what you think!
It may NOT be what you feel!
It may not even BE ON YOUR RADAR!
At the Dating DeMistyfied Workshops you'll deeply get how the other sex feels, what attracts them TO YOU, and what works best about YOU!
Come join us!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
It's mad fun!
Sexxy Lexxi is one of my partners. She is 24, a complete bombshell in every way, and totally knows it too.
She is one dangerous character indeed.
So we were in Washington Square Park one night practicing our scenarios when the conversation turned (it always turns with us) to putting gorgeous women on a pedestal so high that they are almost un-approachable to most men.
I shared stories about the women I grew up with, and the ones who did the best with the guys were the ones who dressed in jeans and football jerseys and wore little to no makeup. Yeah, they were cute anyway, we're not talking about female Russian power lifters here!
Lexxi was not surprised. She explained that last week she was out with a date, and some of her friends came along for the ride.
According to Lexxi she looked very hot that night. One of her female friends on the other hand had developed a case of acne and to say the least was not exactly dressed very sexy that evening.
This same acne attacked friend went home with a ton of phone numbers, while Lexxi was ignored by nearly every male in the joint,
every one except her date that is!
We agreed that the reason for this inconsistency was that her friend appeared "approachable" while Sexxy Lexxi went home numberless.
So is that what it is? Do men find that woman who seem "approachable" to be more attractive, at least in the short run to a woman who is "dressed to the nines" thus not as approach friendly?
Is it a better idea for women to "dress down" and appear easily approachable, or should the girls "dress to impress" with all the accompanying accoutrement's?
Who woulda thunkit?
So I was relating a time about four years ago when I had just finished a book signing for InterKnot (the book I wrote on Internet dating, but you already knew that, right?) and a bunch of the guests asked me to join them at a local watering hole, a very crowded one at that.
Now for some reason I had decided to dress all in black that evening, definitely not my standard modus oporendi (I know I must have spelled that wrong!) and sorta looked like a server at a catered function, or at least restaurant staff. Hey, I hadn't intended on dating or anything of the sort, so I pulled out my "Metrosexual" card for the evening!
I had just exited the mens room and stopped just adjacent to the ladies room because the line for "the head" was in my way and I was being polite.
And suddenly this adorable and very drunk "twenty something" woman asked me "is there a charge?"
"Huh? A charge?" I thought to myself?
"Hmmmm, this could get interesting" I'm thinking!
I replied "yes, yes there is a charge, one dollar please." And she reached unassumingly into her pocket for the dollar, handed it to me and walked into the ladies room.
The next girl on line looked at me and said "You guys are charging to pee?"
I answered, "well, that's your prerogative, but the head is a buck and it all goes to the staff at the end of the night."
She handed me a dollar,
and then the next girl did,
and then the next, and another, until 5 women had handed me a buck and I had just had enough.
I figured it would be a good time to stop before the bouncer granted me a rapid exit to the door.
I hunted down four of the five women in the next hour, handed them back their dollar and here is the final tally (men, pay attention here!):
Three of the four took back their dollar, laughed until they nearly peed themselves, and THEY bought ME a drink for having the balls to pull off that scam, and for them actually falling for it.
And one refused to take back the dollar (she said it was money well spent) and asked me for my cell phone into which she inputted her phone number and email addy.
Balls, creativity, boldness, uniqueness, call it whatever you like, but guys, women LOVE these aspects in a man, and if you can get women to do things that they would not normally agree to, and then "fess up" that they were scammed, they will remember you forever!
You just might need to duck once in a while as an un-ordered drink may be rapidly approaching your face!
Hey, it's all good yo!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I will not tell you why I wrote this story, so you'll really need to read between the lines just a wee bit and you'll get clearly what this story intends on teaching.
Life can be so very strange. Just when you think you have it all
figured out, you miss a down and away curve for strike ONE….
Then, after you brush yourself off, you get the heater down the middle,
catching you unaware, for strike TWO…
Now, on your guard for something off the plate, low and outside, comes a little chin music, throwing you to the ground violently, one ball two strikes.
Now you’re PISSED!
You brush the mud from your uniform, stand as tall as you can, and get back
in the box for another try…heater down the middle, foul ball…
Uncle Charley low and outside, two balls two strikes.
She looks at you with disdain, but respect, as you glare back at her,
twirling your 34 oz. bat around like it were a toothpick. She goes into
the stretch, the sign, the delivery, as you swing with everything
IT’S A LONG FLY BALL, DEEP TO LEFT, IT’S LONG ENOUGH, IT’S HIGH ENOUGH, IT’S, IT’S,
as another awesome effort is wasted. Hard to return to the batters box after that
last one. You’ve should’ve had it, ya jumped all over it, leaving her
gasping for breath and afraid to give you another one down the middle,
as you wore her out on the last go round.
She steadies herself as the manager pats her on the butt. She studies your every move now, thinking, debating every tiny movement and sound you make. You smile at her, and step back up to the plate, as you know that you own her.
Low and inside, high and outside, fastball, slider, curve, it does not
matter. You can handle anything she can throw at you.
She sets, you brace, here it comes, right down the middle, but dropping rapidly, and slowing, falling….
you back off, ball three in the dirt, full count.
Now it’s on, as there will be only one winner here.
Bases loaded, two outs, three balls, two strikes. The crowd is out of their minds. The sweat is trickling down her nose, onto her neck, glistening in the sun,
but you cannot lose focus now, this is the real deal.
She heaves a deep sigh, takes in a full breath. Her chest rises and falls as she
climbs the hill back to the mound from which she will deliver her final
pitch. She sets, gets the sign from the catcher, and you call time and
step out of the box, just to shake her up even more, just to get her
thinking, “what IS he gonna do next?”
You put some pine tar on your bat handle, as you wipe the sweat from your brow. Kicking the mud from your spikes, you glance out at the mound. There she stands, proud, defiant, amazing, talented. Exactly the type of pitcher you’d like to
go to war with. Unbowed, undaunted, but you HAVE put an ounce of fear
into her, just by being who you are, nothing more, nothing less. You flash a sudden smile in her direction, and she gives one back that cuts into the very fiber of your soul.
You stagger, and she knows she has you.
You enter the box with a confidence level, just slightly bowed by a tiny doubt, due to the glint in her eye. The first baseman had said something to her. You have played with this first baseman before, and had success, but she knows you. All the good and all the bad, and you wonder, just what it was that she shared with the pitcher that has her smirking?
You are unbowed though, and prepare to give her best pitch the ride of it’s life. So she sets, and you dig in. The delivery is swift and sure, but you are prepared.
You connect on the sweet spot, solid, strong directly back at the pitcher a blistering line drive that will surely go for a bases clearing double.
If only life were so simple.
If only we got what we deserved, what we worked for.
She raises her glove in self-defense as her eyes close. The ball sticks, the glove closes, three outs.
You did your best.
There was nothing more you could possibly have done! You may never have
hit a ball this sweetly before, yet you come away empty, game over, and
on to the next one……
Monday, July 13, 2009
I happened to be meeting a friend at a local watering hole on the Upper East Side of Manhattan last week and I swear that I had died and gone to heaven. There must have been at least 5-7 single women in the bar for every single man. Lucky me I wasn't staying for more than a few minutes, but what an opportunity if I was!
I had a few conversations while I was there with some of the women of different age groups and they all agreed that there are no single men in New York City.
Well, I have to disagree with them as I know hordes of single and divorced men, the difference is that most of them are not searching for women in bars and clubs.
So where are all these thousands of men?
Are they hiding under rocks?
Are they all at Hockey, Baseball, Football, Basketball games, or WWE Wrestling matches?
Have they joined a knitting circle?
Are they tri-athletes swimming around Manhattan Island? (yuk)
Are they in witness protection programs?
I don't think so folks.
So where are most of the men?
They're on the Internet.
Yup, sitting at home with no fear of being "shot down in flames" by the fast witted, sharp tongued, upwardly mobile, type "A" personality, powerful New York Woman, and on a plethora of free or paid dating sites.
Internet statistics state that the ratio of men to women on a typical dating site is nearly 8-1.
That's right, nearly eight men for every woman on the Internet.
And from what I hear, the stats are similar in other cities as well.
Soooooo.... if you're a smart guy, somewhat decent looking, somewhat presentable, with something interesting or funny to talk about, don't live in your mothers basement, and have a clean shirt that doesn't smell funky, you just might wanna get out there and talk to women.
Y'know what, they just might answer you!
Works for me!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
This is Spike's partner, Tony.
I'm here to introduce myself and express myself here. I'm opinionated, intellectual, funny, been around the block a few times and hope you're entertained by whatever gets written here.
I usually edit my writing intensely but you're getting this raw. I'll do my best to eliminate typos but I ain't promising you that I will. :-)
Men and women are funny. They each get upset, confused, deflated, excited, unraveled and enchanted but not for the same reasons and not by the same things. What's funny to me is that both men and women are different, have always been different and always will be different - yet rather than look for why that is so and why that's good for us, we make them wrong because, "I wouldn't do things that way!"
For example, women love a man they can count on, yet lose interest if he's predictable. What's the difference? Men love having sex anytime they want but if a woman wants sex just as much or just as soon they look at her as a slut. Women want to be looked at by men as more than a set of boobs and ass but look at men for what they can do for them and how stable he is financially - like he's a wallet. Who's objectifying whom?
The funny thing is that men know they don't understand women and women know men don't understand women. Men have no problem with the fact that they don't understand women but women have a big problem with the fact that men don't understand them.
On the other hand, women don't understand men and men know women don't understand men but for the most part, men don't have a problem with this fact. What's funny is that women THINK they understand men because they can predict what a man will do. They'll be right just enough to think they understand him when the truth is that they don't understand him at all - why he does things.
So ladies, why is it a problem for you if a man doesn't understand you? Why is it so hard for you to get men to understand you? How hard are you working on helping him understand you? Why do you get mad when we don't remember things or multitask or do what you ask us to do or notice anyone else's boobs but yours or try to solve your problems or glaze over when you give us too much details or freeze when you start crying or say, "yes, dear" in order to get out of trouble or avoid you when you ask us, "Do you like this dress on me?" We don't have a problem when you say, "Can you carry this for me?" or ask us to kill a bug or "let" us pay your bills or let you give us a hard to during that time of the month or go shopping with you (well, some of us anyway), make faces when we scratch our "jewels" or have your "girls' night out"?
Men Are Not Women!
I say, your relationships with men will improve when you begin understanding us rather than complaining that we don't understand you.
Any women out there interested in understanding men?
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
And there she was, this stunning, black haired, black eyed woman with an hourglass figure and a face to launch a thousand ships.
She walked by, never glancing at us, but we certainly noticed her.
I just looked at my son, all 6 foot two of him at 14, and he just uttered "indeed."
The message was clear, she was a hottie.
And there we were again, on line and paying for our groceries as she walked by yet again. I rushed my items into their bags and raced after her.
In the crowded parking lot I caught up to her as I pushed my crickety wagon and uttered "excuse me, have you ever thought of doing photography? I'm a photographer and I'd love to shoot you sometime."
Now I have uttered these words to many women and did indeed "shoot" many of them, even dated one or two.
And her response was not as expected.
"Who me? Oh, no, I would never, I couldn't, I'm just, I'm just not that good looking, but thank you." And she just scurried away.
And there you have it. When I tell you that this woman was VERY nicely put together, I am not kidding, and yet she had no conception of what she had or who she was.
I wonder how many women out there have similar "issues" (don't kill me here) in that their self esteem just does not equal their physical beauty?
So ladies, do you have friends who are like this?
And men, do you also have great looking friends who are just, like shy and do not see themselves as good looking?
I'd love to hear from you all.
But it may not be exactly what you think!
Several workshops ago we were going through an exercise where the men were "hitting on" the women, attempting to "pick them up."
It was a lot of fun for everyone involved, well, once the "angst" of approaching the opposite sex dissappeared.
When we debriefed the men after the exercise the answers were pretty much as expected, but the women were all in agreement on one point. This point blew Tony and I away as we were completely unaware of this being the truth.
As the men approached the women, the women were in their heads thinking "will I be picked?"
"Will I be selected by a man, even in this controlled environment? Or will I just be standing here feeling like a complete ass and loser?
What is wrong with me?
Do I have what it takes to attract a man?
Why isn't anyone coming over to...... oh, here comes one now!!!!!! And he's cute!!!!"
SELECTION ERECTION TIME!!!!!!
Yeah, I said it, female erection, so sue me.
I had no idea that women experience the level of self deprecation, discomfort, and even dread that they just will "not be selected" in a social environment.
Now, I do understand that the Cindy Crawford look alikes may not go through all of this, having been hit on fourteen thousand times that day alone, but the rest of the women?
Now to the "erection" part. When the women were approached (now listen closely) by a man that they wanted to be approached by, who may have pased them by before, there was a level of anticipation and excitement that we call "The Selection Erection."
Who woulda thunk it?
So we learned two valuable lessons:
One: Women are just as nervous and unsure in social situations than men are.
Two: Despite the occasional attitude, women DO desire to be approached by you!
Of course there are caveats to all of this, but after all this is a blog, so we'll just stay basic!
Monday, July 6, 2009
The first two female responses to my first blog began with "hate to admit it, but" and so went all the answers as well. Man I just hate it when all the ladies agree with me!
Women, why do you go for the "bad boys?" I mean, truly? If most women want "a nice guy" then why do most of you run away from one like they have the plague, or large bulging eyeballs or something?
I mean just speaking for myself, whenever I was on a first date and gave that "I really don't care what you think" vibe, the date always went very well and usually ended with a smooching session in my car, if not much more.
I'm not saying that I was aloof. I'm saying that I was interesting, funny, and confident, but not "a nice guy."
Now, just for comparison, I can remember other dates when I was very attracted to the woman, thus on my "best behavior" and immediately relegated to the "friend zone."
One of these girls is my friend Codey. We had chatted online and then on the phone for about a month and the sexual innuendo was very aggressive on both sides. It was amazing!
So what did I do?
I actually showed up to our first date with about 150 pictures of my kids and scenic photos I had taken. She was polite, even kissed me pretty well against my car, but in the back of her mind was "nice guy, really nice, not for me!" And yes, I have stayed in the friend zone with her for many years. It's okay dudes and dudettes, I have moved on!!!
So I guess the difference, for both men and women is simple. Be yourself. Don't be anything you're not and definitely have all the fun that you can.
Be confident and don't take any crap. And most of all if you are very attracted to your date, sit back, relax, and let them lead for a while. You just might find out a few things about them that will either have you more interested, or way less!
This stuff makes ya crazy, eh?
Oh and by the way, if you'd like some answers to the many and myriad questions of Chemistry and Dating, then go to www.datingdemistyfied.com or www.desiredbywomen.com. If nothing else, you'll get a good laugh!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Just to give you a tiny snapshot of who I am, I'll tell you first who I am not.
I do not live in my mothers basement, sleep on the couch, or sit alone watching Twilight Zone marathons.
Okay, honestly I do occasionally fall asleep on my couch in the livingroom, but it's comfy!
And I do like the Twilight Zone, but only the old ones!
I am a published relationship author, a professional photographer, and I run Dating DeMistyfied with my partner Tony, a workshop that brings men and women together as strangers, and they leave as friends, and sometimes much more. (www.datingdemistyfied.com) Tony and I have interviewed thousands of men and women, so our perspective on dating, chemistry, and love is,
it just is!!!!
I'll be blogging here a few times a week, and Tony might chime in as well. Our writing styles are very different. I'm sorta an "in your face storyteller" and Tony is more "matter of fact info" type of writer.
So here is something that I threw together a while back. It may be slightly controversial, and that's just the way I like it!!!!
Have you ever been to one of those singles mixers?
You know the kind, where everyone is there to meet people? Where everyone knows that everyone else is also there to meet people? Where everyone supposedly "wants to meet people?"
Then explain to me why the women are on one side and the men are congregated on the other? Are they preparing to play dodge ball? Is there an invisible line down the middle of the bar? Did Monday night football at Gallagher’s somehow get mixed up with Jane’s book of the month club get together for female shut-in’s? Did an organizer say “men to the right, women to the left” upon entry?
Nope, none of these things occurred.
What is happening is that the vast majority of men and women, despite furiously wanting to meet each other, despite dressing for the occasion, despite looking and smelling their best, preparing for hours, and looking forward to this for weeks… are scared to death to approach one another.
Ugh. How did we as a nation come to this point?
We all love to laugh, to play, to dance, to sing, to have fun with our friends, eat great food, see an awesome flick, go to the beach, the pool, the lake, and to the ever popular tar beach (up on da rooooooooooof!).
So how did we all get so damn freaky? How did we come to this place of complete gender eradication where the roles are not defined, not understood, and everyone walks around cool, aloof, non needy…
…and totally and completely alone?
Well ladies, y’know that guy, the one you’ve been waiting for your entire life, the one you’ve been seeing for three weeks, the one who has suddenly turned into a blithering, ass kissing, whimpering idiot who bears no resemblance to the awesome dude you thought you were falling for?
And your friend, the really hot girl who can get any man she wants? The one who has rich guys chasing her and kissing her feet? The one who knows that she’s “all that”… who is SHE chasing after?
Who else? …The out of work guitar player who worked at the local coffee shop, until he was fired for hitting on the boss’s daughter.
He’s bad news altogether. He abuses the women he sees. He cheats on them. He yells at them and puts them down. He is a total and complete asshole, yet women swoon at his feet.
Because he has confidence, and due to this complete confidence he understands that if you say no, chances are the next girl will say yes, and he doesn’t care either way. Women are driven insane by this level of confidence and they can deny it from now until doomsday, but where there is a “bad boy” there is without a doubt a trail of women following him, calling him, begging to be with him. It is a fact of life and it will never change. The more outrageous his behavior, the more women swoon for his every movement. The more he lets them down, stands them up, and displays an aloof attitude of “whatever” when she gets upset, the more in love she feels, and the harder she will try to make him love her back.
She cannot understand this about herself. She wishes secretly that she could just find that one “nice guy” but her subconscious mind knows that she would never even give that guy a sniff, so she’s doomed from the start.
The old standby that “nice guys finish last” is truer today than it ever was.
I hate this! I am so not this way (well, maybe sometimes) but it is the gospel!
This same woman has a best friend for many years; we’ll call him “Jeff.”
Jeff has an amazing job helping others. He is tall, good looking, makes good money and is the sweetest man she has ever known. Every time she has “guy problems” Jeff comes running to her aid, day or night, it makes no difference. He will listen to her cry for hours all the while wiping her tears, making herbal tea, and building back her good humor with jokes and warm, tender hugs.
Jeff has always been there for her and always will be. He is the light of her life, her knight in shining armor, her buddy, her pal. She wishes she could find a guy like Jeff; he is so wonderful and understanding. Why can’t she find a man like him, do they even exist?
What is this girl missing? Why can’t she see the nose in front of her pretty face? Why has she never had even the slightest erg of attraction towards this amazing, handsome man?
Well, it is not her fault, it is Jeff’s.
Jeff does not know how to create attraction. He knows nothing of the way in which “chemistry” is built between a man and a woman. He only knows how to be nice and assumes that eventually she will wise up and see the light shining on his handsome face.
But he is wrong, as his behavior is exactly the reason why she will NEVER feel attraction for him.
He is dependable.
He is reliable.
He is always available to her, whenever or for whatever she needs him.
He is unselfish.
He is a “nice guy” in every respect, polite, sweet, understanding,
and unattractive in every way she wants a man to BE attractive,
even though she is completely unaware of these facts at a conscious level and would argue from now until doomsday that these are the facts.
If JUST ONCE, just one time she called Jeff to vent about her horrible boyfriend and he responded with “can’t talk now hun, I have a date. We’ll chat later, bye” she would fall off her chair and suddenly Jeff would be much better looking, more attractive to HER, finally.
Ain’t it obvious?
He said “no” to her for the first time, and suddenly her entire world was turned upside down. Jeff suddenly is unpredictable, he isn’t constantly available. He has a life besides her, so now he has an attraction that was not there previously.
And PLEASE do leave comments!!!!!