Tuesday, June 14, 2011


One Slightly Used Boyfriend, Blog; Part 4.

I run every morning, well except for Tuesday mornings due to a late night meeting. And by the time my run and workout are complete the dog-walkers are out in full force.
Well yesterday morning was no exception and as sure as rain there was Coby, my buddy, the Yorkshire Terrier puppy who has bonded with me like no other dog.
Coby has a tiny body but has the heart of a pit bull. His master saw me and said "Coby, who's that?"
And then Coby saw me from about 100 feet away and literally dragged his much larger walker to me in a frenzy. Normally Coby will jump right onto me, licking my face, biting my nose, and pulling at anything (usually my sweat towel) from my fingers to play with. But today would be different as Coby decided he needed a belly rub and I was just the guy to do it!

"Dude, why do you write about dogs so much?"

Because dogs are the source of unconditional love, and puppies especially. I have often had the thought that if people would treat each other like dogs treat each other, especially when first meeting (can you imagine all the butt sniffing?) that everyone would be related and society would move at a much more calm pace.

I dated a woman about 3 1/2 years ago who had a great desire to fly into the arms of the man she loved. So as I picked her up from the airport, in a blinding rainstorm, I stepped out of my car, braced myself, and from about 50 feet away she knew exactly what I was doing.
She dropped her bags, ran as fast as she could and as she got to the curb became airborne, flying about five feet directly into my arms and wrapping her legs around my waist, her hands around my neck, and her heart beating very fast.
I damn near fell on my ass but somehow didn't.
This was serving the needs of a woman I cared for and making one small dream come true for her. We didn't last too long but I can assure you that every man she dates hence will be measured to that standard.

I know, I'm meandering, but the point that I'm attempting to make is that when we put our mate first, when we treat each other like someone who matters, when we show the excitement, the glow, and the love of a puppy for a friend, then, then shall we be able to keep the people who matter the most to us.



Monday, June 13, 2011

How have we failed one another?

One Slightly Used Boyfriend, Blog: part 3.

Really, do men and women train each other correctly?
Do we fight fair?
Do we discuss openly and honestly without causing guilt and blame?
Do we stay in the present and look only to the future?
Do we always put the other person first, making them feel special and cared for?
Do we expect the best from our mate on not assume the worst?
Yeah, in a perfect world, we would.

I can remember having an online conversation with a woman on a dating site, perhaps 9 or 10 years ago. After several not-so-nice back-and-forths she exclaimed "you have been trained very poorly by the women in your life."
I never forgot that statement and have been researching, workshop-ing, seminar-ing, and men's-group-ing ever since.

Y'see we're taught only the most rudimentary skills in school, and (these days) even if you are lucky enough to be in a 2 parent household (I was not one of the lucky ones) the social skills that our grandparents innately knew, just don't seem to be present anymore.

Tony and I have interviewed thousands of men and women between us, coached programs, ran the Dating DeMistyfied Workshop, and basically we're both still clueless!
Okay, so maybe not clueless. We know what most women "say" that they want and we know that what they want can change in a heartbeat.
We also know that most men are visual first, but that a killer personality and a great sense of humor will suck us in almost as well.
Hey, who doesn't wanna laugh, right?
We know that almost everyone, men and women alike, want to feel loved, safe, cared for, and want to be able to love deeply and fully knowing that their partner has their back, no matter what comes down the pike.

So what's the answer?

Where do you go to actually learn how to listen, how to engage without battle, how to love and be loved and how to become a supportive partner who brings value to any relationship?

I'm glad you asked me that!

There are many places both men and women can go to receive support in becoming amazing human beings and partners.

First, for men there is MDI (Mens Division International) "Causing greatness by mentoring men to live their lives with excellence as mature masculine leaders who create great families, careers, and communities. We are unconditionally committed to men winning." (www.mdisuccess.com). This organization, the concepts taught on the men's teams, and the hundreds of men I now call brothers, have shifted who I am, and literally saved my life.

For women there is The Family of Women. "We lead, inspire and mentor women to embrace their power, purpose and value, and to take responsibility for their relationships. We empower women to live the lives they love, igniting their passion to make a positive contribution in the world." (http://familyofwomen.org/) I have met many of the women in this organization and I can only say that they are all outstanding human beings.

Both organizations were birthed, and grew out of the concepts taught by Justin Sterling who runs a women's weekend and a men's weekend and has been doing so for a very, very, very long time. (http://www.sterling-institute.com/) Although I don't personally agree with every concept Justin teaches, he is spot-on with most everything else. The man is a wizard!

For both men and women there is of course Landmark Education where amongst other things you learn that "there and many things that you don't know that you don't know." (http://www.landmarkeducation.com/) The courses taught here beginning with "The Landmark Forum" are simply brilliant. If it were up to me, every person on the planet would have to go through "The Curriculum for Living" which are, basically, the first 3 courses and an included seminar. I highly recommend these along with the previous two. They seem to go hand-in-hand as the teaching is centered differently and you'll get vastly different lessons from each group.

Of course, if you do online research and look for bad stuff, you'll find that these are all "cults for weak-minded people with no lives." The truth is that most people writing negative comments about any course of self-improvement are generally the ones who could not complete the courses because they faced their inner-demons for the first time and could not overcome them, so they ran away to momma and wrote bad things so they wouldn't have to face their failure.

This Friday I have an invitation to go to the graduation of "Moma Gena's School of Womanly Arts (Sister Goddess) MEN'S Night Graduation Evening." I have heard glowing stories about this school but I won't comment on it until I meet the women involved and judge for myself.

And I'm just scratching the surface here folks.

Film at eleven!



Saturday, June 11, 2011

It's all in the Grand Design

The Universe stepped into my life at exactly 3:49 A.M. on Thursday, June 10, 2011. I was in a rut, the excitement had gone out of my life, I was becoming argumentative, hated my part-time consulting position, wanted to break up with my girlfriend, wasn't running my business with any passion and nearly lost my biggest client.

If you read the previous blog (kinda really need to before you can understand this one) you can kinda take it from there, but here's the rub because that 'ol Universe wasn't done with me yet!
One of the main reasons I wanted to break-up with my g/f was that she creates scenarios that don't exist, reacts to those non-existent scenarios negatively (usually hiding out for weeks at a time) and then blames me.

So of course, being a dumb-ass, the first person I sent that blog to was her, in the belief that she'd get a great laugh from the humor and irony.

Well did she?

No. not even close.
She wrote the following text to me "I do not want to talk to you, do NOT call! The blog was the end." (at which point I responded "you are so silly" and she) "Enough is enough, your blog is so f'ed up! I am so hurt. Very disrespectful..."

So what's a boy supposed to do? I mean I write a blog about a golden retriever, and my over-reacting g/f reads only the first half, freaks out, and breaks up with me.

My amazing, old-soul 16 year old son (who really dislikes my g/f) and his 17 year old g/f (who I adore, she is so good for him!) read the blog and loved it. When I told them what her response was they both replied (in unison) "she did you a favor."

And I believe they are correct.

Had she not mistakenly (?) woken me up I would not have
1) started running again, which I forgot how much I loved,
2) resumed blogging again, which I REALLY adore, and
3) put me in the position to find a fabulous life partner who can appreciate who I am, who I have been, and who I am becoming.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

One slightly used boyfriend, back on the market.

Film at eleven...



Friday, June 10, 2011

One Slightly Used Boyfriend, Blog- Faith

One Slightly Used Boyfriend, Blog!

It was a rough night. I tossed and turned and just could not get the day out of my head. The “chattering monkeys” were keeping me awake and my lion was having a tough time chasing them away.

And then my phone rang at 3:47 AM. I recognized the number and grudgingly answered; no-one was there. I guess she changed her mind?
Now I was awake. I grabbed some water, washed my face, attempted to lie back down, but the birds were singing as, somehow, even at that early hour the first rays of morning were peeking above the horizon.
“It’s too early for daytime” I thought to myself. Now just past 4:30 AM I decided to watch a little TV news to see if somehow the earth had shifted on its axis causing daylight to be at my windows way too early.
Nope, everything seems normal on the news, same old same old. So at 5:30 I made a decision that I was in a rut and the universe was tired of listening to me bitch and that I needed to get outside and do a workout and my first run since I damaged my knee 3 years ago.

I grabbed a towel and my keys and left. The sun was warm, the air was cool, and the aroma of honeysuckle was overwhelmingly delicious after last night’s storm.
I had a great workout in Seton Park and only had to contend with one other early runner jogging around the astro-turf baseball field with me.

After an hour I had had it and decided to do a meditation in one of the dugouts. The sun however was lovingly peeking out from behind Whitehall and so I hoofed it on over to shortstop, laid my towel down to keep my butt semi-dry, and got into my best lotus position with the sun drenching my face and body.
A thought had slightly crossed my mind as I sat down, something like “I hope another runner doesn’t decide to run the bases like I do, full speed, head down, and not see me and crash!
I dismissed it as silly.

The sun was incredible. It was nirvana. It was bliss. It was amazing.

And then it happened.

Out of the corner of my eye and racing towards me at full boar was a young, gorgeous blond. She not only didn’t seem to be slowing down, she was in fact picking up speed, eyes directly focused on mine, making a beeline for my sitting position. Before I could react she bowled me over onto my back, my feet up in the air, kissed the entire right side of my face and lay down onto my chest.

I was conquered.

I was done.

I never had a chance.

Her name was Faith and her blond hair was all over me. I was at this point laughing so hard I could barely breathe. Didn’t she KNOW that I was attempting to meditate? Who was she to disturb me in this manner?

Well, at this point another blond, this one much older came running towards me with apologies on her lips!
“I’m so sorry” she uttered, “When she saw you on the ground, well, that’s how she plays with my son!”
I told her that no apologies were necessary and that in fact, despite having a soaking wet back, a face dripping with slobber, and covered in blond hair, that Faith had made my day.

You see the Universe liked the fact that I got out of my way and outside where I belong, running, meditating, and back to being who I used to be.
And the Universe provided me with pay in the form of an 8 month-old, female Golden Retriever named Faith who thought I was her long-lost brother and treated me thus.

I never did get quite back into the meditation mode, I tried, but I was just too giddy and perhaps a bit skittish that Faith would find me, yet again!
I walked home, stopping 4 times to breathe deeply the honeysuckle outside my home, and thought to myself that I need to make sweeping changes in how I live my life. I’ll be making lots of phone calls today, I can tell you that!