Monday, June 13, 2011

How have we failed one another?

One Slightly Used Boyfriend, Blog: part 3.

Really, do men and women train each other correctly?
Do we fight fair?
Do we discuss openly and honestly without causing guilt and blame?
Do we stay in the present and look only to the future?
Do we always put the other person first, making them feel special and cared for?
Do we expect the best from our mate on not assume the worst?
Yeah, in a perfect world, we would.

I can remember having an online conversation with a woman on a dating site, perhaps 9 or 10 years ago. After several not-so-nice back-and-forths she exclaimed "you have been trained very poorly by the women in your life."
I never forgot that statement and have been researching, workshop-ing, seminar-ing, and men's-group-ing ever since.

Y'see we're taught only the most rudimentary skills in school, and (these days) even if you are lucky enough to be in a 2 parent household (I was not one of the lucky ones) the social skills that our grandparents innately knew, just don't seem to be present anymore.

Tony and I have interviewed thousands of men and women between us, coached programs, ran the Dating DeMistyfied Workshop, and basically we're both still clueless!
Okay, so maybe not clueless. We know what most women "say" that they want and we know that what they want can change in a heartbeat.
We also know that most men are visual first, but that a killer personality and a great sense of humor will suck us in almost as well.
Hey, who doesn't wanna laugh, right?
We know that almost everyone, men and women alike, want to feel loved, safe, cared for, and want to be able to love deeply and fully knowing that their partner has their back, no matter what comes down the pike.

So what's the answer?

Where do you go to actually learn how to listen, how to engage without battle, how to love and be loved and how to become a supportive partner who brings value to any relationship?

I'm glad you asked me that!

There are many places both men and women can go to receive support in becoming amazing human beings and partners.

First, for men there is MDI (Mens Division International) "Causing greatness by mentoring men to live their lives with excellence as mature masculine leaders who create great families, careers, and communities. We are unconditionally committed to men winning." ( This organization, the concepts taught on the men's teams, and the hundreds of men I now call brothers, have shifted who I am, and literally saved my life.

For women there is The Family of Women. "We lead, inspire and mentor women to embrace their power, purpose and value, and to take responsibility for their relationships. We empower women to live the lives they love, igniting their passion to make a positive contribution in the world." ( I have met many of the women in this organization and I can only say that they are all outstanding human beings.

Both organizations were birthed, and grew out of the concepts taught by Justin Sterling who runs a women's weekend and a men's weekend and has been doing so for a very, very, very long time. ( Although I don't personally agree with every concept Justin teaches, he is spot-on with most everything else. The man is a wizard!

For both men and women there is of course Landmark Education where amongst other things you learn that "there and many things that you don't know that you don't know." ( The courses taught here beginning with "The Landmark Forum" are simply brilliant. If it were up to me, every person on the planet would have to go through "The Curriculum for Living" which are, basically, the first 3 courses and an included seminar. I highly recommend these along with the previous two. They seem to go hand-in-hand as the teaching is centered differently and you'll get vastly different lessons from each group.

Of course, if you do online research and look for bad stuff, you'll find that these are all "cults for weak-minded people with no lives." The truth is that most people writing negative comments about any course of self-improvement are generally the ones who could not complete the courses because they faced their inner-demons for the first time and could not overcome them, so they ran away to momma and wrote bad things so they wouldn't have to face their failure.

This Friday I have an invitation to go to the graduation of "Moma Gena's School of Womanly Arts (Sister Goddess) MEN'S Night Graduation Evening." I have heard glowing stories about this school but I won't comment on it until I meet the women involved and judge for myself.

And I'm just scratching the surface here folks.

Film at eleven!


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