Sunday, August 30, 2009

Make fun of them, now!

This is one for the millions of Internet Daters out there. It has worked like a charm for me in locating some great women with personality and an edge, and thankfully has also saved me from some real loonies.

When you write to someone for the first time, make fun of something in his or her profile. The sane ones that you’re looking for will find it cute.

The nut-jobs, that you want to avoid like a plague of enraged locust, will get upset.

It’s all good!

I can remember Katie’s profile on She was from Little Falls, New Jersey and totally adorable. Her profile was brief, so I decided to make fun of her town as that’s about all I could think of.

I wrote something like

“ So how little are the falls anyway? Do the big falls know that the little falls are out all by themselves? Aren’t the big falls worried? Will the little falls be home by ten?”

I went on for a bit in this manner and I can tell you that she absolutely loved it!

Her responses were always cute and a bit edgy and the inevitable date (which she made me wait three weeks for, very smart girl!) went incredibly well, as expected!

Understand that she was amused by my sarcasm and questions.

Understand that she was gifted at giving it back in a similar, edgy manner!

Understand that there are women who are not amused by this sort of initial communication.

Understand that that sort of woman (or man!) will never get a date with me!

And understand that if you’re going to “bust chops” on a first contact, be prepared for a “cyber busted nose” from the many out there with no sense of humor or taste for light sarcasm, and more issues than National Geographic, my fave mag!

Like, yeah....


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

“Red flags” are there for a reason.

That feeling…

You know, that feeling; the one that has you wrinkling your nose and making that funny “WTF…?” Face?

The one that should be a warning bell?

The one that says “something just ain’t right here, ain’t kosher in Denmark?”

The one that you ignore because he/she is “so cute” or is “an amazing, super awesome kisser” or some equally great feeling?

So you’re out at a restaurant with an attractive date. You’re kinda sizing them up because at least they’re easy on the eyes so you’re waiting to see if they’re as attractive on the inside, as out?

A gentleman walks by your table and your date glances in his direction, leans towards you and says “ can you believe it? Everywhere you go? You can’t get away from these people?”

And you suddenly aren’t as hungry as you were a minute ago. You just want to leave and get away from this moron.

But what if they’re really, really attractive? Do you just let the comment go as if it never happened? Do you lower yourself to their level and agree, just on the off chance you’re your date will feel that they have found their moronic soul mate, and you might have sex with them tonight?

Well folks, for me at least, that s a huge “end of game, everyone outta da pool” red flag.

“Elvis has left the building, and he is me!” If I see prejudice, rudeness towards a waitress, or a crappy tipper (yes, I do let the woman tip sometimes! Get over yourself, this is 2009 fer cripes sake!) I am so done.

At very best their behavior is to be examined, disseminated, and discussed in an adult conversation with your “awesome kissing cutie.”

Ignoring red flags does not convince them to go away, no, quite the opposite my fine, love sick friends.

Ignored red flags tend to reproduce at an alarming rate, sorta like pouring honey next to an anthill and watching as the hordes climb all over each other to get to the sticky, sweet mess of goo.

Ignore red flags at great peril to your psyche, your eventual happiness, and often, to the hard-earned cash in your wallet!


Monday, August 24, 2009

Never call the next day.

Doesn't everybody know this one?

This is a rule that nearly everyone has broken, countless times!

So you’ve had three phone conversations with “the one.” They seem to be everything you’ve been searching for, and then the first date arrives.

Wow, they’re amazing and indeed even better than you would have hoped. The date goes amazingly well and the goodbye kiss lasts much longer than any others in recent memory with the hair standing up on your arms, chills going down your spine, your eyes in the back of their sockets, and the world temporarily in non-existence beyond your glorious oral embrace.

Sheer joy.

You return home and can barely sleep because you cannot stop thinking about them.

You fall asleep very late and then you do it; you call them first thing in the morning “just to hear their voice.”


Now I can tell you that there have been rare women who have done this to me and I have loved it because they did it in a cute, sarcastic way. And I can tell you that I have wanted at times to do it myself, but there are rules, and what your wussy heart tells you to do is generally the wrong thing.

People, nice people, normal people, people who really like you can and will get freaked out when you show affection too soon, and calling the next day is too soon!

But that’s just me!

It is human nature to get attached at some level to someone who you had a great time with, and indeed they may be feeling the same way, but chill out folks!

Now on the other hand, sending a cute email with a joke in it the next day is often a nice touch, but KEEP IT SHORT!


Friday, August 21, 2009

Sarcasm Schmarkasm.

Take sarcasm lightly. Give sarcasm right back just as lightly.

This is one of my personal favorites:

Sarcasm is a double-edged sword, and without a doubt the most misunderstood form of communication today. I use it regularly and copiously, and get the most interesting results imaginable!

Now my personal take as a guy, is that if a woman is sarcastic on a first contact, whether she is serious or not, I take it as a joke and smile.
This accomplishes two very amazing results:

First, if she was indeed serious and attacking something about me, she realizes that I have the confidence to brush it aside, and now it’s my turn!

Second, if she was joking (as a test, of course) and I laugh and shoot one right back, I have passed the initial “weenie test” and have displayed the mental stability and confidence that she seeks in a mate.

Some of the best and brightest people I have met are sarcastic. The trick to sarcasm is to always follow it with a smile.

After all, you really don’t want your date to cry, do you? (Sick, you are just sick!)
And by the way ladies, men use sarcasm as a test too. Fail the test and you’re in for an early evening with Rocky Road and your keyboard.

Question: What was your opinion about sarcasm, before reading this, and after?

See ya!


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Be silly!

Nothing gets the job done quite like a great sense of humor.

I mean, really folks, would you rather be on a first date with someone who made you chuckle, giggle, and laugh, or with someone who was as dry as Melba toast (gag) or that cheap bottle of white wine that a guest brought to your last byo (bring your own) party?

Laughter has always been a fast-lane highway to my heart. Make me laugh, regularly and deeply and I sure as hell will want to be around you often, and for extended periods of time.

Laughter is easy for me to elicit as I’m a bit of a wise-ass anyway. I love to see someone giggle that I just made fun of or told a stupid joke to. Oh yeah, and by the way, most, if not all people seem much more attractive when they are smiling, than when they are frowning, judging, going on endlessly about their ex (another long tip) or stuffing their face with the buffet shrimp (never a good idea).

So the next time you’re across the coffee table with a less than exciting date, be the one that makes them laugh first, and sit back and observe if a flame begins to flicker in their eyes, as well as a chuckle in their belly.

And by the way, just in case you are generally the “serious one” it might be a good idea to hit the local bookstore or library for a tome on jokes, comedy writing, improvisation, or just a humorous book that ignites conversation.

Hey, at worst you’ll make yourself laugh, and that’s always a great place to start!



P.S. What’s the funniest date that you’ve ever been on?
What does laughter do for you?
What do you do to make people laugh, and why?
Would you prefer to make someone laugh, or have someone elicit it in you?
What’s the funniest joke you’ve ever heard?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I love the feeling of raindrops on my face.
The tiny little patter and drip down my nose
past my waiting lips
just to fall away into whence they came.

I really do like the rain, well, not like, when I'm at the beach or at a picnic, but can I ask you if you've ever made love in the rain?
Have you ever laid in the green, wet grass and made love so well and for so long as the rain beat down on you, and your body heat from making love was so intense that you could actually see the steam rising from your entwined bodies?
And have you ever experienced the sheer and total bliss of having an orgasm with nature just cascading all around you, as if to applaud your fabulous efforts?
And have you collapsed, spent, content, and blissful in the arms of your lover as the storm just didn't seem to matter much at all?


Have you?

Damn folks, get the fuck out there! What the hell are ya waiting for?


Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Issue of Trust

How can you tell whom to trust? Who can you trust? Is it true that trust must be earned? Who says so? Why is that so?

Men sleep around. Women keep their “options” open. Men hide their intentions with women. Women hide their intentions with men. Men only check out women’s breasts, legs or butts. Women only check out men’s wallets.

What can you trust in all of this?

Many people’s biggest fear is being conned or lied to. It’s a terrible feeling. The more invested we are in the need for a particular result, the more it hurts when the lie, broken promise or deceit shows up.

How do we protect ourselves from the impact and the pain? By looking at the issue of trust, not whether people are trustworthy or not.

Just like everything else in life, being clear about what you want, then impersonally examine whether your strategies and tactics are sound enough to produce the results you want or not is the most effective way of going from bad to good and good to great. That would include dating and relationships.

I used to make people earn my trust. They had to prove to me they could keep their word. I found this to be a recipe for disappointment because no one can keep their word forever. Most people can’t keep their word an entire day. They either forget what they said, are passive / aggressive, lied when they made the commitment, scared, resigned because no one else keeps their word, don’t want to hurt your feelings, don’t want to look bad or feel forced into honoring a request they don’t want to honor.

No wonder no one likes to make promises! No wonder people look like they have no integrity! No wonder people act slimy and sleazy. They have all these worries in the background that keep them from “being trustworthy”.

So I gave up on “making” people have to “earn” my trust. I saw it didn’t work so I began looking at what motivate people. I began noticing that people do what they’re committed to and their desired outcomes or intentions. I began looking to see what are people committed to and what they intend to have happen. I saw that people are fairly (but not completely) predictable and easy to work with. I began asking men and women what they really want. Because so few people ask – never mind care about the answer – people will say what they want and are committed to. Then, all I had to do was watch them do things consistent with their intentions and commitments. If they did something inconsistent with that, I saw that they simply made strategic or tactical mistakes that didn’t work. It became much easier dealing with people. It became my 2nd level of trust: trust people’s intentions – not their actions or promises.

Then, I began asking questions about The Law of Attraction. I saw that if I hold a clear intention and I’d get whatever I wanted. It became a matter of practicing holding my intentions long enough to have them fulfilled. As I practiced this and amazing discovery came to me: If I trust the Law of Attraction then I don’t have to trust people. The Universe works on my behalf regardless of your trustworthiness.


The 3rd level of trust: No need to trust.

Imagine that – a life with no more trust issues.

Is that freedom or what?


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Guest Blog anyone?

So my partner Tony has brought to my attention that several people have contacted him offline and would like to post blogs on this, well, on this blog?
Not being one to judge, my initial response was "why can't they just get their own blog?"
And then I got 30 minutes of Tony talking about community relations and stuff while I ate chicken soup.
Real interesting, huh?

So here's the poop, if anyone would just love to share their brilliant thoughts on this blog, you are welcome to send your blog to me at and if I think it fits in with our own particular type of insanity, then by all means I will post it, lovingly!

Now I go nitey nite!


Monday, August 3, 2009

Why be in a short term relationship and why is that good?

Because they’re fun, romantic, exciting and amazing!


However, if you ask 100 people why they are in a short term relationship, you’ll probably get 100 different answers. Generally, you’ll find the answers fall into a few categories:

1) “I don’t want to commit to anyone right now”
2) “I don’t see anyone that’s right for me”
3) “I can’t seem to get anyone to be that interested in me” or
4) “I’m not good at Long Term Relationships

Most people know what they don’t want but not what they do want. They know they don’t want to get hurt. They know they don’t want to make mistakes. They know they don’t want anyone who doesn’t “qualify”.

This mindset is a recipe for failure. How can you get what you want if you don’t know what you want? If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

To answer the question, you and your partner get to be fun, romantic, exciting and amazing with each other. It’s an opportunity to practice Long Term Relationship skills. But the best reason to be in a Short Term Relationship is it gives you an opportunity to be fully present with another person. When you are fully present, “Defining Moments” sometimes happen, creating memories that last forever.

Let your Short Term Relationship take you where it wants to go and you’ll enjoy your trip for however long it lasts. Take the time to “smell the roses” You’ll find that the true joy of life is the journey - not the destination.


Saturday, August 1, 2009

Foo to Yoo, X rated too.

Hey all,

first, I apologize for being away for an entire week. Tony and I have been mad busy laying out the Dating Manifesto for our 2 day Dating DeMistyfied workshop that begins on September 12th and ends September 13th.
We are also proud to announce a joint partnership with Donnelle Adler of Lock and Key, New York. She runs some great singles events and we are thrilled to be working with her.

More on all this at a later date.

So I played a ton of tennis this week with my dad and my son and have been ignoring my guitar badly, so today I picked it up and just put it down a few secs ago after a bunch of hours.
There's one particular popular song by The Foo Fighters that I sing and play particularly well and as I was playing it a thought occurred to me.
Y'see the song in question has some very suggestive lyrics, and by simply changing a word here and there it becomes wayyyy more than suggestive! I'll come back to this...

So last weekend I was invited to an "erotic open mic" and decided to go at the last minute when a friend called to say he was going too.
I brought my book "InterKnot" with me as chapter ten is entirely X-rated, and signed up to do a reading from it.
The room was great, the crowd was amazing, the women were HOT, and I had a few more friends there than I had anticipated, one of whom also read a story from my book that was long, so he began it, ending at a "cliffhanger" and later that evening I finished it.
Only fair, can't leave the crowd hanging!

The next day while playing the previously mentioned song at home a thought came to me.
Instead of reading at the next open mic, I could perform this song with, um, slightly altered lyrics and everyone would love it!
So I'm sitting on my bed and fantasizing what the moment would look like when I finish the song and leave the stage.
It goes something like this:

I sling my guitar behing my back and take the one step down from the stage and the lights and begin to walk towards my seat, when I am stopped cold by a very attractive woman in a very nice dress.

She refuses to allow me passage.

She puts her left hand on my heart, smiles naughtily and says "I am going to kiss you now, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it."
I smile in return, blushing slightly, and allow her access to my awaiting lips.
She slides her hands up my back, gently brushing aside the guitar and cranes her neck to accept my hungry mouth on hers.
She kisses me gently as I slide my left hand up her neck and behind her hairline, interlacing my fingers through her locks, and bringing my right hand to rest on her ample ass giving it a gentle tugg.
She exhales slightly and pulls my mouth closer as she explodes her tongue into my mouth.

My head is spinning but I can't let the crowd down now!

After what seems like an eternity she pulls away and we both become aware that everyone is clapping and yelling furiously at the show we have just put on.
She seems pleased but is not done with me yet as she takes my hand in hers and leads me gently but firmly into a side room behind curtains.
She says nothing as she drops to her knees, again with that wicked smile she has flashed at me before and gently slides my pants zipper down with her teeth.

I am totally freaking out.

This has never happened to me before, not like this, not with a total stranger and not with so many people just a few yards away!
She looks up at me, smiles again, and with both hands slides open my belt and pants allowing both to drop to the floor.


At this point I take off the guitar!

Fully erect, of course, she happily and greedily takes the head of my cock into her sweet mouth rolling my eyes deeply into their sockets.
Hoo boy...
She plays with me, licking and sucking just enough to make me mad with passion, but not enough to buckle my knees,

And then, after what seems like as very long time she stops,
winks at me,
and takes the full length of my manhood deep into her throat pumping furiously up and down my shaft again and again and again while swirling her hands arond my shaft and tickling my balls as I explode into the beautiful awaiting fullness of her adorable mouth.

Then my knees give out.

She laughs and begins to wipe some residue happily off her mouth as she attemps to depart.

I do not allow her to.

I smile.
I pick her up into my arms and place her sweet ass on a chair nearby.

Now it's my turn to hit my knees as I slowly, painfully raise her dress above her waist.
I wink as I lower her violet panties to the floor, yes, with my teeth.
She laughs, but not for long as I trace her inches from her ankle to her tummy with my mouth, my tongue, my lips and my fingers, stopping to tease her and then going in for a taste.
I wink again and give her the gift one one, long, slow, wet, hot lick directly up the middle of her very wet pussy.

She shudders.

She knows she is in trouble.

I kiss my way gently up to her neck and around the back as goosebumps rise on her arms. I remove her dress, her bra, and after teasing her breast by licking every part except her nipple, slowly engorge her right ariola with my mouth, playing down below with fingers only.
She seems pleased, but seems to want more.

I oblige.

I kiss and lick my way back down her adorable body arriving eventually at her central core.
I tease her horrifically bringing her closer and closer to orgasm each time as I swirl my tongue in concentric circles on the very spot her clitoris craves, on the spot all her past lovers seemed to have missed.

And then I stop,


and go in for the kill with my thumb deep in her pussy, my middle finger in her sweaty asshole, and my tongue swirling gently but firmly on the erection that her clit has provided for me.

She screams, long and loud as she comes into my awaiting mouth.

Now we both smile.

We get dressed and walk through the door together to yet another explosion of applause.

And finally she turns to me, winks one final time, kisses me gently thrusting a piece of paper in my hand and leaves,
without a word.

The paper says:

"To be continued, call me."

Oy vay.....


And listen folks, don't expect this naughty blog all the time. I just get motivated when I play my guitar well!