Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Issue of Trust

How can you tell whom to trust? Who can you trust? Is it true that trust must be earned? Who says so? Why is that so?

Men sleep around. Women keep their “options” open. Men hide their intentions with women. Women hide their intentions with men. Men only check out women’s breasts, legs or butts. Women only check out men’s wallets.

What can you trust in all of this?

Many people’s biggest fear is being conned or lied to. It’s a terrible feeling. The more invested we are in the need for a particular result, the more it hurts when the lie, broken promise or deceit shows up.

How do we protect ourselves from the impact and the pain? By looking at the issue of trust, not whether people are trustworthy or not.

Just like everything else in life, being clear about what you want, then impersonally examine whether your strategies and tactics are sound enough to produce the results you want or not is the most effective way of going from bad to good and good to great. That would include dating and relationships.

I used to make people earn my trust. They had to prove to me they could keep their word. I found this to be a recipe for disappointment because no one can keep their word forever. Most people can’t keep their word an entire day. They either forget what they said, are passive / aggressive, lied when they made the commitment, scared, resigned because no one else keeps their word, don’t want to hurt your feelings, don’t want to look bad or feel forced into honoring a request they don’t want to honor.

No wonder no one likes to make promises! No wonder people look like they have no integrity! No wonder people act slimy and sleazy. They have all these worries in the background that keep them from “being trustworthy”.

So I gave up on “making” people have to “earn” my trust. I saw it didn’t work so I began looking at what motivate people. I began noticing that people do what they’re committed to and their desired outcomes or intentions. I began looking to see what are people committed to and what they intend to have happen. I saw that people are fairly (but not completely) predictable and easy to work with. I began asking men and women what they really want. Because so few people ask – never mind care about the answer – people will say what they want and are committed to. Then, all I had to do was watch them do things consistent with their intentions and commitments. If they did something inconsistent with that, I saw that they simply made strategic or tactical mistakes that didn’t work. It became much easier dealing with people. It became my 2nd level of trust: trust people’s intentions – not their actions or promises.

Then, I began asking questions about The Law of Attraction. I saw that if I hold a clear intention and I’d get whatever I wanted. It became a matter of practicing holding my intentions long enough to have them fulfilled. As I practiced this and amazing discovery came to me: If I trust the Law of Attraction then I don’t have to trust people. The Universe works on my behalf regardless of your trustworthiness.


The 3rd level of trust: No need to trust.

Imagine that – a life with no more trust issues.

Is that freedom or what?


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