Saturday, July 16, 2011

Getting my toes wet

I had a date tonight.

I haven’t had a date in a year because I was in love with a wonderful woman.

A week ago today I broke it off and she’s pretty damn angry with me.

So why you might ask would I break it off with a woman I love? Suffice to say that we were poison for one another, that we brought out the worst in one another, that we were holding each other back and moreso- I never felt that she was vested fully in me. I have tons of evidence, but this is a blog, not a bitch-fest.

So I had a date. I took my date out to New York City and we grabbed a quick bite, went to Washington Square Park and sat in the fountain getting sprayed and all wet together, and ended up at The Village Lantern to see my friend Guy’s Band-Stellar Ego (they are Fabulous!).
There were tons of my friends there, male and female, many of whom had met this woman I had just left and not knowing this new woman at all. But this new one was friendly, outgoing, smart, spiritual and deep (a third level Reiki Healer) and very, very affectionate towards me. My friends liked her very much and she liked them as well.

Soooo, what’s my problem?

No-one asked about this woman that I loved; why she wasn’t there and who this new one is? Everyone just assumed that the smile on my face was real and that I must have moved on, and they were happy for me because I have amazing friends who give a shit.

I am not happy. I am not happy in the knowing that somewhere in New Jersey is a woman who cries for me, cries that she is not in my arms and laughing, cries because she feels deeply (another Reiki Healer and lots more) that we are meant to be together for life.
I am not happy because I miss this woman deeply, miss her smile, miss her arms wrapped around me, miss her laughter and miss her “Ooooooohhhhh Goddd Daviiiiiddddddd” when we, well, you know…

I left the bar with this woman, put her on her train, gave her one quick kiss on the lips, smiled, and left. If I had asked she would have gladly taken me home with her. I’m just not ready for anyone else in that way right now.

So I have a question for you. Have you ever done something difficult, something that you knew was the right thing to do but hurt like Hell to do it?

Well, I’m doing it right now.

Sometimes it fucking sucks to be right……………………….

And I have another date tomorrow night…………………

Film at Eleven, yo.

Oz (Spike)


Alex "Robby" Robertson said...

Where do I begin? About 16 years ago, I woke up to the fact that my marriage was toxic for me and that I would be better off without my wife. Not so easy, since we have 4 beautiful children together and I was not going to settle for being a "weekend dad". I struggled mightily with deciding to tell her how I felt and worried about the impact on my young children. It hurt to know my kids' lives were going to be so affected. It hurt that I failed...

Long story short (my friends know this to be a near impossibility for me), I am 10 years deep into my second marriage with an AMAZING woman. My kids are doing well and I have a great relationship with them, as well as joint custody (50/50 split time). I am on the cusp of some major positive changes in my business and personal lives. And I have a better relationship with my ex-wife than when we were married.

So the hurt is the fertilizer that helps you grow the new you in the garden of your destiny. I was also blessed with wonderful people in my life who helped me get through it. I am clear on a big lesson... It would have hurt more, cost more, if I had stayed in that situation.

kim garrett said...

I say hold out for it all. Though the wait is sometimes hard and treacherously plagued with self doubt and worry, you really CAN have everything. Courage, I have discovered, does not mean bravery, it means 'with Heart' !

Lisa Rao said...

Hi David, We've never actually met but I've lurked on your facebook wall a few times. (That sounds kind of dirty, ha.) Anyway, I just read your post "Getting My Feet Wet." It was really interesting to me, because I too recently had a date that I thought went well, and the dude pulled a disappearing act. Not really knowing his recent history, your blog post made me wonder. And I just wanted to say--pleeeease, whatever you decide, be sweet to the new girl. Should you decide not to pursue a relationship, just tell her the reason. Don't leave her wondering with an ache in her heart from not knowing why...

Lisa Rao said...
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