I had a date tonight.
I haven’t had a date in a year because I was in love with a wonderful woman.
A week ago today I broke it off and she’s pretty damn angry with me.
So why you might ask would I break it off with a woman I love? Suffice to say that we were poison for one another, that we brought out the worst in one another, that we were holding each other back and moreso- I never felt that she was vested fully in me. I have tons of evidence, but this is a blog, not a bitch-fest.
So I had a date. I took my date out to New York City and we grabbed a quick bite, went to Washington Square Park and sat in the fountain getting sprayed and all wet together, and ended up at The Village Lantern to see my friend Guy’s Band-Stellar Ego (they are Fabulous!).
There were tons of my friends there, male and female, many of whom had met this woman I had just left and not knowing this new woman at all. But this new one was friendly, outgoing, smart, spiritual and deep (a third level Reiki Healer) and very, very affectionate towards me. My friends liked her very much and she liked them as well.
Soooo, what’s my problem?
No-one asked about this woman that I loved; why she wasn’t there and who this new one is? Everyone just assumed that the smile on my face was real and that I must have moved on, and they were happy for me because I have amazing friends who give a shit.
I am not happy. I am not happy in the knowing that somewhere in New Jersey is a woman who cries for me, cries that she is not in my arms and laughing, cries because she feels deeply (another Reiki Healer and lots more) that we are meant to be together for life.
I am not happy because I miss this woman deeply, miss her smile, miss her arms wrapped around me, miss her laughter and miss her “Ooooooohhhhh Goddd Daviiiiiddddddd” when we, well, you know…
I left the bar with this woman, put her on her train, gave her one quick kiss on the lips, smiled, and left. If I had asked she would have gladly taken me home with her. I’m just not ready for anyone else in that way right now.
So I have a question for you. Have you ever done something difficult, something that you knew was the right thing to do but hurt like Hell to do it?
Well, I’m doing it right now.
Sometimes it fucking sucks to be right……………………….
And I have another date tomorrow night…………………
Film at Eleven, yo.